Monday, December 21, 2009 @ 7:31 PM
Rawr!
Hmms. Hmms.
Everybody is so busy overseas):
There isn't going to be any training for the two weeks.
But superb the bored at hm.
Oh I nearly twisted my ankle last trainin):
Kinda injuried myself during iceskatin,WENT TWICE!
& I CAN SKATE, okayys!
HAHAS! I WANNA SAY RAWR!
to * who will never read this until * was told.
I'm having the feelings again.
my phone has been dead& i'm lazy to charge my phone.
Mayb cuz i'm afraid of wad i would face bas.
pick up a knife,
stab it through my heart.
& tell me that everything is going to end.
i've come to the point again,
a point idk wad i'm suppose to do.
heart can you show me the way?
brain plz make sure heart goes the rite way.
cuz pain is enuff, idw go back to the old me.
I'll feel so depressed.
that nite, i cried behind the com.
i didn't noe wad to say.
each time my siblings walked out, i had to act lyk nothign happened.
i felt lyk a retard.
idk whether u were the same but i noe one thing is that.
u can think abt just me&you, but i can't.
i take in ppl's advices& take them seriously.
But it is onli certain ppl.
The ppl are the reason i'm holding back.
but You're nv at my position to know why they are the ppl I'm holding back for.
Lyk I guess i nv did i guess.
You say that it's us. Only my thoughts Yours matters.
But in reality i noe it's not.
Dearest, it's not that easy as u say.
they watched me grow.
they guided through my entire life.
they watched me grow up to where i am now.
they are just lyk another parent to me. they happen to be there for me.
lyk how my other frenz onli that they broke through the barrier.
they saw almost all my crying moments.
my difficult huddles.
everything.
no matter how much you mean to me.
i cannot forgive myself .
for every misery i caused you to hab becuz of them.
each time i'm angry at you i realise that i ended up curling up in bed&crying.
each time i'm angry at you i realise that i ended up curling up in bed&crying.
everything. maybe this time i'm holding back not onli becuz of them.
cuz even if you say the part abt me is what u think,
but in actual fact it's not.
i noe wad's going on in this relationship.
It's always me. It should nt be.
i oso hab to think abt u.
It's time, I stop& think.
[*p.s. this is so messy cuz i'm dam bloody confused when typing this.]
SignOff:
Crystal (:
[p.s. rawr!]
[p.s. rawr!]
Sorrry for such a post agains.